When Fear Turned Into Curiosity

💗💗💗

I think if you'd asked me as a child whether I was intuitive, I probably wouldn't have known what that word meant.

I just knew there were times I saw things other people didn't seem to see. Heard things other people didn't seem to hear. Knew things I had no way of knowing. I didn't even realize I was "hearing" or "seeing" things in my mind that weren't just my own weird thoughts or imagination either—that's something I found out when I was older.

I wasn't always the only one either. There were other children who experienced some of those things with me.

But when I shared those experiences with adults, I noticed something.

People became uncomfortable. They blamed it on our imagination.

Sometimes they became fearful.

And without anyone ever saying it directly, I learned that these weren't things people talked about. So, little by little, I stopped talking about them too.

Until life had a way of bringing it back.

💗💗💗

Fast forward to around 2017 or 2018.

I came across my first collective card reading online.

My initial reaction?

"These people are crazy."

But they were entertaining enough that I kept watching.

Until one reading stopped being entertaining.

The messages became so specific that I couldn't explain them away anymore. That's when things started to shift. I was forced to take the possibility that this wasn't just silly theatrics more seriously.

Then one day I said something out loud to myself while watching a reading...

...and the reader repeated those exact words back to me.

I threw my phone across the room.

I wish I were exaggerating.

I didn't watch another reading for months.

Because I was scared.

💗💗💗

As the fear settled, I started asking myself a different question.

Why was I so afraid?

That question changed everything.

Instead of running from it, I started researching.

I looked into the recorded history of tarot, oracle cards, mysticism, and intuitive readers throughout history, including within the Abrahamic traditions.

The deeper I went, the more I realized something.

I hadn't been taught the whole story.

Looking back, I don't think I was intentionally hiding part of myself.

I was simply doing what children naturally do.

I learned what was acceptable to talk about... and what wasn't.

💗💗💗

What shifted wasn't just that I stopped dismissing what I'd experienced.

It was that I started validating it—carefully and intentionally.

I wanted to rule out as many coincidences as possible. I wanted to keep it grounded. Because for me, maintaining ownership of my life and my choices has always been the anchor that keeps the spiritual connected to the physical. Without that anchor it's easy to drift. With it, the two can actually coexist.

It wasn't until I started doing that work—really sitting with my experiences honestly instead of explaining them away—that things began to get clearer.

My first clear psychic experience as an adult came after the phone incident.

After the research.

After I finally stopped pretending this wasn't part of me and started asking what it actually was instead.

That's when the door opened.

Not because the ability arrived.

Because I finally stopped closing it.

💗💗💗

By the time I bought my first tarot deck somewhere around 2019 or 2020, I wasn't trying to prove whether any of this was real.

I had already accepted that something within me was worth exploring.

The deck wasn't about finding proof.

It was about giving myself the space to ask the questions that felt too personal to ask anyone else.

Questions I wasn't getting answered through the free readings I watched.

Questions I wasn't getting answered through paid readings either.

I also wanted to understand my own intuition better.

Not someone else's.

Mine.

💗💗💗

When I first started, I thought the cards held some kind of magic that was bigger than me. And while the energies are bigger than me, I've learned that I can tap into them. It's about learning to recognize what I'm feeling, trusting it, and not dismissing it.

Now I see them very differently.

The cards themselves are one part of the reading.

They give me a focal point.

From there, different clairsenses come online depending on the reading. Sometimes it's one. Sometimes it's several. It isn't the same every time.

The cards...

My intuition...

The impressions I receive...

The energy present in that moment...

All of those become inputs.

The guidance I share is a result of all of those factors working together.

That's why I can pull the exact same card in two different readings and have it communicate something completely different.

Not because the card changed.

Because the person, the question, and the energy changed.

💗💗💗

Take the Four of Wands, for example.

If I pulled that card in a reading for myself after accomplishing something meaningful, it would probably be pointing toward celebrating that achievement.

But if I pulled it for someone asking about a situation that had nothing to celebrate yet, I wouldn't force that interpretation.

Instead, it might become a reminder that celebration is coming.

That once this chapter is complete, they'll look back and be proud of themselves for how they navigated it.

The question asked at the start matters.

The follow-up questions matter too, because when you're doing a reading, the questions being asked and how they develop all influence how the cards and the energies are interpreted.

The cards before it matter.

The cards after it matter.

The oracle cards matter.

The energy matters.

Everything contributes to the guidance.

💗💗💗

People sometimes ask whether the cards predict the future.

To me, that's not their best use.

They don't make good things happen.

They don't make bad things happen either.

They show the energetic direction of what's unfolding right now.

What happens next still depends on the choices we make.

That's why I use the word participant so often.

Because I never want someone to hand their power over to a reading.

The reading is guidance.

You are still the one living your life.

💗💗💗

If you believe tarot is dark or frightening, I genuinely understand.

I used to think that too.

I also won't pretend there aren't people who use these tools in ways I wouldn't.

Like any tool, intention matters.

I choose to use tarot and oracle cards to help people reconnect with themselves.

To remember who they've always been.

To feel more empowered.

Not less.

That's also why I don't read in ways that remove another person's free will or agency.

It's why I mostly work with adults, and with children only in a Reiki capacity and with a parent present.

And it's why I believe so deeply in the law of reciprocity.

Whatever we put into the world eventually finds its way back to us.

So I try to build this work from a place of love, respect, and personal responsibility.

💗💗💗

Today, I don't see the cards as something that gives me answers.

I see them as something that helps me ask better questions.

To me, the cards are not a means to find out if the love of your life is going to choose you.

They're a way to ask why you feel the need to be chosen in the first place.

Because when you choose yourself first, you're far more likely to welcome relationships that reflect that same choice.

That's what the cards are to me.

Not certainty.

Not fate.

They're an invitation to ask better questions.

About ourselves.

About the world.

About what's possible.

Looking back, I don't think the cards gave me something I didn't already have.

They simply gave me a way to reconnect with a part of myself I'd stopped paying attention to.

And for that, I'll always be grateful.

💗💗💗

Author's Note

Whether tarot resonates with you or not, I hope this gave you a clearer picture of what it means to me and why I approach it the way I do.

As this blog continues to grow, you'll see me writing not only about personal growth and wellness, but also about spirituality, intuition, and the questions that have shaped my own journey.

You don't have to agree with my perspective to be welcome here.

Curiosity is enough.

If you've ever had an experience you couldn't quite explain—or simply find yourself curious about these topics—I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

With love,

— Hadija (Higher Heart Warrior Channel)

💗💗💗