When Everything Feels Like an Emergency

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Sometimes life lets you catch your breath.

And just as you start to exhale — just as you start to feel like you finally have a grip on things — new information arrives.

Not a shift. Not a dramatic interruption. It just was what it was.

Something that needed to be acknowledged and prepared for.

The first feeling that came up for me recently was panic and dread.

Not because anything catastrophic happened. But because I had finally started to feel like I was getting a grasp on things — and then life said not yet.

And honestly — really? How many more changes must I endure? Like really, wtf.

I know logically that change is the one constant in life. I know that. But given all the very large changes I've gone through this last year it has been a lot to adjust to. And it just felt like I could have used a little more time.

But things that are out of our control are out of our control.

I want to be honest about that.

And I also want to be clear — it wasn't a bad week. It was a hard day with news I wasn't expecting. But because I wasn't yet feeling like I was in a solid starting position it felt like a catastrophe. Which is exactly why feelings and facts need to be differentiated. Sometimes our minds conflate the two and what feels like the end of the world is actually just an adjustment that needs to be made.

And it's worth naming something here — when the brain has been through trauma it can conflate immediate threats with future ones. So what is actually a future concern that can be planned for and prepared for can register in the body as if it's happening right now. That's not a flaw. That's just how a nervous system that has been through a lot learns to protect itself.

Knowing that doesn't make it less uncomfortable. But it does make it less confusing.

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What Coming Back to Control Actually Looks Like

I cried.

Not after I'd done all the right things. Not after I'd regulated and reflected and made a plan.

Just — I cried.

I allowed the thoughts and feelings of sadness and fear and anxiety to surface like a submarine disturbing calm waters.

And while things still needed to be done — because life doesn't pause — I cried while doing them. I took the actions I needed to take and I still cried. I made sure to stick to my routine and cried some more.

Until eventually I was able to say — okay. Let's look at this objectively now.

What is actually changing in this moment?

If not now then when is change coming?

Is there anything I can do to make it more bearable?

If I was able to make a plan I did. If I was able to take action I did. If no action was possible I sat with that — and reminded myself that in this moment I am safe. I am doing my best.

And while there was a lot out of my control what I could do was focus my attention on the feelings I was having and why I was having them.

Not to gloss over them.

Not to rush past them.

But to feel them, name them and remind myself — I may be feeling these emotions and things may be happening but they are not who I am and not how I will always feel.

It's petting and playing with a dog to bring me back to the moment. It's deep breathing and butterfly hugs reminding me that I am not in immediate danger even if my brain feels like it is. That's not real danger. It's perceived danger.

And there's a difference.

Once I was able to come up for air a little — once the initial wave had moved through enough — the next thing I had to figure out was what to actually do with what I was feeling.

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Managing vs Suppressing

This is something worth slowing down on because I think it gets confused a lot.

The difference between managing emotions and suppressing them is mainly in the naming and acknowledging — and in not pretending to be okay when you're not.

A clarification though — just because someone isn't showing you their feelings doesn't mean they aren't feeling them. People process differently and that's okay.

For me the real distinction is this:

When I used to say I am mad or I am sad I would overly identify with the feeling and act it out on others. And that isn't someone else's responsibility. My feelings are my own. I can feel them, honor them and process them without lashing out or emotionally dumping onto others to carry that weight with me.

That's not to say talking things out isn't helpful — it absolutely is. The key difference is responsibility and ownership.

To be clear — when I'm crying or upset I don't immediately jump into analysis. I allow myself to just be that. To really feel it. I let it move through without rushing it. Then after some time has passed — if the emotions are still high — that's when I ask what am I feeling right now?

I name it as much as I can. I sit with it for as long as I can. If there's still ambiguity I write. Just whatever comes into my head, however I'm feeling, whatever is there.

And usually by the time I stop writing I can see what I'm actually feeling.

If I find myself saying I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine — odds are I'm not. And I still need more time to really feel it.

If time permits I do a body scan — noticing where the emotion lives in the body. This can be activating so it's best to try for the first time when you're not in overwhelm or with a therapist.

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The Smallest Reset

When everything feels like too much the smallest most practical thing that has helped me is coming back to my breath.

Making loud breathing noises. Focusing on the inhale and then the exhale — breathing out for longer than I breathe in.

Focusing on the feeling of the air going in.

The sounds it makes.

The temperature of it going in and out.

That's it.

Not a ten step process. Not a perfect meditation. Just the breath and the body and the present moment.

It's enough to interrupt the spiral long enough to come back.

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For Anyone in the Thick of It Right Now

If you're in it right now and you can't see the way through — I just want to say:

It fucking sucks, right?

I know.

It's allowed to suck for now.

Just remember this — I'm here with you in the suckiness.

You don't have to have it figured out. You don't have to be okay yet. You don't have to know what comes next.

You just have to keep breathing.

And coming back to the one thing that's always in your control — how you choose to be with yourself in this moment.

Not perfectly.

Just honestly.

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Author's Note

I wrote this one from inside a hard day.

Not because I had the answers but because I think there's value in showing that even when you know the tools the hard days still come. And the tools don't make them disappear.

They just make them more navigable.

One breath at a time.

With love,

— Hadija (HigherHeartWarriorChannel)

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