The Adult Self Is Still a Part That Needs Love

Why inner child & inner teen healing only works when the adult is supported too

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Part Work as the Adult

Something that I’ve coming to realize is that doing inner parts work doesn’t change the outer world as much as it changes how we show up and how we process what we experience.

While doing the inner child and inner teen work, it doesn’t stop the procession of day-to-day life. That’s never really been the point. The point is to ensure that we show up as our fullest, most authentic selves — and in my experience lately, that takes a lot of effort. That’s when it becomes important to be okay with asking for help and accepting help.

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When the Inner Parts Feel Safer, the Adult Carries More

For me, the biggest part of integrating the different aspects of self is recognizing that, as the inner child and inner teen feel safer, the adult self is the one executing plans, protecting the self, and making the day-to-day decisions.

And I’ve found that reflecting on progress and growth while integrating these parts often goes unnoticed because of the responsibilities of adulthood.

This is where a lot of people miss what’s actually happening.

So I want to ask you this:
Where can you give yourself some credit for not reacting and instead responding?
Where can you give yourself credit for honoring your shadow without allowing it to take over completely?

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Growth That Goes Unseen Still Counts

This is such an important part of healing that is often misunderstood as self-aggrandizement. And yes, it can become a slippery slope without balance — but in fear of slipping, I know I’ve often veered into being overly demanding and harsh with my adult self.

So let this be your reminder:

Applaud yourself for the progress you’ve made.
It does matter.
And you’re doing great.
Keep going — one foot in front of the other.

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Why Inner Parts Work Actually Matters

The reason inner parts work is so important is that I’ve seen almost everyone I know move through life not really knowing who they are at their core, not trusting themselves, and ultimately not loving themselves — then searching outside themselves for the love and validation only they can give.

If you don’t know what you need, how can someone else possibly meet those needs?

Even though we’re becoming more aware as a society that self-love is foundational, there’s still a huge gap between knowing it’s necessary and knowing where to begin.

That gap is where most people get stuck — not because they aren’t trying, but because they’re trying alone, without language, without mirroring, and without a safe place to explore what their inner parts are actually asking for. Sometimes what we need isn’t another strategy, but a space where we can slow down, be witnessed, and begin listening differently.

That’s why I work with tools like Reiki and tarot and oracle cards — not to predict, diagnose, or tell anyone who they are, but to create a space where the nervous system can soften and the inner parts can finally be heard. These tools act like mirrors, helping what’s already inside come into focus, so people can reconnect with themselves instead of searching outside for answers.

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Building From the Root

Without awareness and self-respect, people end up hurting and being hurt, chasing external validation through materialism, status, or approval — none of which can truly satisfy the inner parts that just want to be seen, heard, and loved.

And while doing inner parts work is not simple, straightforward, or easy, it really does lay the foundation for external experiences to be sustained in a balanced and lasting way.

I’m not saying it’s the only way. But starting at the root is the most logical way to build something stable.

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The Adult’s Role in Healing

I genuinely believe the point of this existence is to learn — not only through grief, betrayal, and hardship, but also through joy, curiosity, and lightness. You can’t truly have or appreciate one without the other.

This is where the adult part comes in.

The adult part is the one who admits that both matter.
The one who chooses sustainability over extremes.
The one who moves forward not from perfection, but from intention.

Perfection is not the goal.
Intention and effort, together, create momentum.

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The Adult Deserves Compassion Too

Even though it may seem obvious that the adult part has a role — planning, protecting, making decisions — the adult part also deserves compassion.

We are all here doing the best we can with the experiences, resources, and perceptions available to us in this moment. When we don’t know how to do better — or even when we do know and still stumble — empathy still matters.

For ourselves, and for others, within reason.

Just as we love and accept our inner child, and honor and respect our inner teen, our current adult selves are just as deserving of care — if not more so, given the realities and responsibilities we carry every day.

If we cannot accept ourselves with all our perceived flaws, how can we truly accept anyone else?

That kind of self-relationship takes time, patience, and support — and it’s something you’re allowed to grow into, at your own pace.

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